I Still Love You
A free short story, following characters within the Starting Out Series
Not to be replicated without the permission of Jane Lark
Ah, I started crying again. “I am me… Maybe this is me… The person who isn’t sick.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Rach.” He wrapped his arm around me as my forehead fell onto his shoulder.
“I feel like you’re falling out of love with me.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“It’s just how I feel.”
“Well you feel wrong.” I felt him swig another gulp of beer down.
I straightened up and watched him. “I’ve been hard work.”
His eyebrows lifted, “You have been hard work since the day I met you, Rach, that is no surprise to me. I like you hard work. You are worth the work.”
A smile actually rose from inside me.
“There see. There’s the girl who used to drag me into clubs, and all sorts of crazy shit.”
He took another drink from his beer bottle, I took one from the bottle I held. It made me feel a little sick, though, so I leaned over and put it down on the floor. I had probably had as much alcohol as my meds were going to let me get away with.
He looked at me, then drank the rest of his beer down in one hit. He was definitely going to wind up with a hangover.
He put the bottle down. “Kiss me again.”
I obeyed, my fingers gripping his head again, as my tongue danced around his. The cold was penetrating my thin dress, but I ignored it. The music played on, seeping out of the living room, and I heard Lindy’s voice in the kitchen, but I didn’t stop kissing him, as his hands gripped and released on my thighs.
I could tell he wanted to do more. It was like when we had started. We’d just been friends, but then we had danced together, up close and personal for an hour or more, and then we’d just looked at each other and kissed for the first time, and we’d both known it was going to go there. Then everything had spun out into the chaos that was us. We were chaos together. But good chaos… Or we had been good chaos.
I broke the kiss breathing hard.
“I want to have sex with you…” He said into my mouth. “Out here…”
“There’s a lot of people in the house and it’s cold.”
“My Rachel never cared about stuff like that… I seem to remember it was fucking freezing when you dragged me into an alley outside that club in New York, where a couple of thousand people were passing by.”
He was right. “But that was when my bipolar had free reins and used to run riot. It’s not rioting now.”
He moved forward in the chair. His hands gripping under my thighs. “Well I am rioting now, but not in this chair, they’ll see us from the window.”
“Jason…” My heart started thumping as he stood up, picking me up and lifting me with him. I wrapped my legs about his waist, and my arms about his neck so I didn’t fall. He was serious. I laughed, it broke out of me, but it was a laugh that felt different inside me.
“Over there.” He nodded at the dark corner over by the side of the house, the fence came into the house at an angle and there was a little triangle tucked around the side that you couldn’t see into unless you were at the end of garden, and in the dark, you probably wouldn’t be able to see into it at all. A pulse of excitement skittered around my nerves as he walked us across the decking to the dark corner. “You’re being naughty…”
“It was you who taught me to be naughty.”
“Is this why you wanted to leave Saint at home so you could be wicked in their back garden…”
“I left Saint at home, because I thought we both need a bit of wicked time every now and then. Hold on tight I’m going down the steps.” He breathed the words into my ear.
We reached the dark corner and he let my legs slide down to the floor. It wasn’t so dark, if anyone came out here they’d see me, my white dress captured the moonlight.
“We need to get these off for a start.” His hands slid up to grip my panties, underneath my dress, and then he began slipping them down. I’d worn a white lacy thong to go with the dress.
“These feel interesting, I missed these when you were getting dressed.”
He dropped to his knees and I laughed as his head disappeared under the long skirt of the dress. The laugh was nervous but it was a different sort of nervous, it was an excited nervous. I gripped his head through the fabric of the dress as he slid my panties down and kissed my most sensitive spot. “Oh.” I laughed, again.
Memories of all the anxious, desperate sex we’d shared when we were first together spurred in my mind. His finger slipped into me.
This was him fixing us.
“Yes.” I wanted us to be fixed. “I like having a Zombie eating me up between my legs, when do you start on my brain? Soon…”
A rumble of laughter reverberated beneath my dress, and the heat and vibration did delicious things.
I rocked my hips against his invasion, and looked up at the stars, it was so cold that I had goose-bumps on my arms, and my breath steamed in the night air, but I didn’t care now, I could freeze to death, I’d rather die like this. He was starting on my brain, eating up my conscious thought and flooding it with a cocktail of lust and love.
I pulled his head more against me as his tongue touched me as well as his fingers, and it was all sensation, because I couldn’t see him under my dress.
His free hand gripped my thigh, and it cupped it in a way that said he was protecting me, holding me steady as I rocked against his invasion. The night may be cold, but my temperature was rising, and feelings were breaking through the chains of my meds.
We hadn’t not had sex, we’d been having sex, but it had got boring. It was sex, just for the sake of having sex.
This was sex.
“Jason.” I whispered with a sense of awe.
When I had met him he hadn’t been into stuff like this. I had made him into stuff like this…
The flood of an orgasm swelled, about break like an ocean wave, and he sucked the little sensitive spot and tugged it gently with his teeth, and then I was over, the wave broke, crashing into my face and tipping me into a sea of feeling. Both his hands gripped my naked ass, as his tongue delved deeper while I came. Then he was stripping my panties off my feet, I still didn’t have my heels on, I’d forgotten I’d taken them off. When he stood up, he lifted my legs, pressing me back against the wall of the house. The beat of the music inside got even louder, and there were shouts of excitement, and fun, as a new song must have begun.
“Undo my pants,” Jason breathed heavily, his breath misting.
I slipped my hand down between us and undid the button and then undid his zipper, then I angled things, and he… pressed… in until he was flush against my hips, buried deep inside me. I loved the feel of him in me, more than I had ever liked any other guy––way more. Jason was my guy, I swear I had known from the moment I’d met him, he was mine… meant for me.
“This feels good…”
“Uh huh.” I agreed, one of my hands clinging at the back of his neck, while my other arm wrapped around his shoulders, I was sure I was clinging more than the old me would have done.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, kiss me…”
He did, as he withdrew, and then he was kissing me, catching my tongue between his teeth, pressing his lips over mine, sweeping his tongue into my mouth, nipping at my lip––everything was urgent and desperate as his warm hands gripped and held my cold bottom and he thrust into me, pushing me back up against the wall of the house.
I wanted more children with him. I wanted his child. I wanted him. I didn’t want to lose him, he was mine. The special person that I had found. The person who was made for me. I caught his tongue between my teeth, and he pulled it free. A deep rumble of sound in his throat, a mix of humor and lust.
He broke the kiss and leaned to my ear as his rhythm became rougher, “I love you, Rachel Macinlay. That’s the truth.”
I gripped his face and kissed his ear as he breathed hard in my other ear, focusing now on what he was doing. Then I kissed his cheek, and then his jaw, as he invaded me over and over again, his breath misting as mine became shallow releases of sound.
“Uh.” My back bumped against the wall.
“I am going to come, but I want you to come again first,” he ordered in my ear, like I could control it like that.
“Then you better work harder at it.” I laughed in his ear…
“You’re challenging me…”
Whoa, that had been a bad idea, he pulsed hard into me, and lowered his head to bite me where the pulse beat in my neck, even though my neck was still covered in makeup.
“I know you are dressed as a Zombie but stop trying to eat me…”
The low pitch of humor in his throat was erotic.
I shut my eyes and just felt what he was telling me with his body. That he loved me… He did love me… and I loved him.
His fingers gripped my backside tighter, like he was playing games, and thinking of other things there was no way I was going to let him get up to out here, but it began spinning up the whorl of sensation inside me. He knew what he was doing… he knew…
“Ahh!” I shouted too loud, as I plunged into orgasm, diving into that river that stole away all thought beyond what was going on within my body. The sensation spun out into my limbs like a rip tide, as Jason continued but then he dived into the water about ten strokes after me, breathing hard against my neck, his fingers clawing into the muscle of my buttocks as he pulsed inside me.
“Shit.” He breathed against my neck. “That made me feel better.”
I laughed. “You do know you’re drunk.”
He laughed. “And of course that is the only reason I might want to have sex with you.”
“I didn’t say that, I just meant, you aren’t the daring one. It’s the alcohol that’s making you daring, and you cannot deny you are a lightweight when you drink.”
“Well maybe a certain person made me daring. And I hope now she is not going to tell me off for enjoying what she taught me.”
“I am not telling you off. I like you daring.”
He kissed my lips, withdrew from me, then gently lowered my legs. The skirt of my dress slipped down. He pulled his pants up and did them up, then bent, and in a gentlemanly way, picked my panties up off the floor and held them out for me to step into.
I laughed. “So sweet.”
He slid them up my legs too, and pulled them into place with a deep laugh.
“Satisfied?” I asked.
“Fuck, yes.” His eyes widened––he was definitely getting drunk.
His hand gripped the back of my head and he pressed a firm kiss on my lips. “Come on, we ought to go back in I guess.”
I nodded as he gripped my hand and then pulled me out from around the corner.
“I feel like we are us again…” he said glancing back at me.
Oh shit… I knew what he meant, I knew why he’d said that, but the defining factor in what had made us behave like this, like we had when we’d first met, was because Saint wasn’t here. I wanted to cry again. I didn’t want to doubt Jason, but I didn’t know how he was going to take it when I told him…
But I had to tell him. It was not going to go away. He was not going to go away. The asshole.
“Wait.” I pulled against his grip. “I have to tell you something…”
He stopped and looked back at me smiling.
I didn’t want to ruin this, the first moment we’d had to feel normal. No. “It’s okay, don’t worry it can wait.”
Click on this for a soundtrack… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKRRg150OYU
One last part still to come!!!
and if you want to read the beginning of Jason’s and Rachel’s story it runs throughout The Starting Out Series
Book One I Found You
Book Two Just you
Book Three I Need You
and the story will continue in 2015 in I’m Keeping You written in Jason and Rachel’s point of view